It's in the Handbook...
compiled by Tzigana
tzigana@goddessmail.com
Handbook of Sithly Behavior, red letters on black pages. (See Tzigana's proposed cover design)
Created by Another Diversion in "How Maul Spent Winter Break"
Specific Handbook References
"How Maul Spent Winter Break," By Another Diversion
- Sith do not date each other.
- Sith do not ask for directions.
- Sith do not sing karaoke.
- Sith do not wear Pastels. See also Polyester and Bellbottoms. . . .
- Sith do not observe Religious Holidays.
- Sith hate cute.
- Sith do not refuse dessert.
- Sith do not eat non-fat.
"Maul Makes Peace (and a Chocolate Soufflé)," by Another Diversion
- Never postpone committing violence you are inclined to commit at once. Later on, you might not be as pissed off.
- Sith never exit without a parting shot.
- A true Sith has a discriminating palate.
- There are some things so twisted, even Sith won't go there
- Sith may never score lower than 9 out of 10 or 5.4 out of 6 in an acrobatic maneuver. Exception: a Sith may rate 8.5 out of 10 or 5.1 out of 6 if he has already been mortally wounded-twice.
- Sith are hot shit with anything that is potentially lethal.
- Sith do not male-bond with Jedi.
"Requiem for Mr. Fluffy," By Rachael Sabotini
- Sith do not open doors at three a.m.
- Sith do not hug. (addendum under "restraints.")
"Turnabout," by Andrea Evans
- Clothes maketh the Sith.
- Once it's happenstance, twice it's coincidence, three times it's enemy action.
- There are some things that squick even a Sith Lord.
"Maul vs. The Green-Eyed Monster," by Tzigana and RebVe
- Sith do not have feelings! (Not those kind!)
- Sith do not admit defeat.
"Master Maul," by Kristina Johnson
- Sith do not date Sith "unless they want to". (temporary adjustment)
"Moving Day--Darth Maul Gets a New Neighbor," by That Strange Becca Person
- Sith do not wear beige.
- Sith do not go on liquid diet.
- Sith do not run from a challenge.
"Maulerella," by The Brat Queen
- Sith do not let themselves be cut into tiny pieces the size of Smith Brothers' Cough Lozenges.
"Maul Lite," by Tzigana and RebVe
"Darth Maul Teaches Writing 101," by ivy
- Sith do not ever indulge in group therapy in any setting.
- Sith do not need spotters. Especially when they are angry.
- Without caffeine, Sith are not morning people. Ever.
"The Maul Trap," by Joan the English Chick
- A Sith never turns down good nookie!
"Religious Experiences--Maul Attends a Family Wedding," by That Strange Becca Person
- Sith don't date cuddly women.
"Darth Maul Watches Bad Cable," by Wombat
- Sith do not appreciate what they have! Ingratitude is part of the job description.
- Sith Masters never give in to demands. Or to pitiful pleas for mercy. Or ever, in fact.
- Sith do not do mornings.
"Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dogs of War!" by Galadriel
- Sith do not cuddle.
- Sith do not get scared (most of the time).
- Sith do not turn to Jedi for help.
- Sith do not need help, especially not from their enemies.
- Sith are self-sufficient.
"Shiny, Happy People," by Rose and Katherine the Art Chick
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy," Part XIV, by Siubhan
- Prophecy: Thou shalt avoid thy Master's comely son like the plague, as he shall maketh thy brain turn to mush and your loins like unto iron.
- If you find yourself mired in a moral dilemma, dive.
"The Darth Maul Halloween Special," by Anna Brogan
- The only real Sith holiday is Halloween.
"A Wretched Dive," by Darth J. Landry
"Home Sweet Home," by Joan the English Chick
- Sith do not live in homes with wheels.
- Sith do not beg.
"Biker Boyz," by Calligrafiti
- Sith don't have to pay full retail.
"Obi-Wan Goes Greek," by J.A. Nessossin
- Sith do not apologize!
- Sith do not beg for sex.
"Darth Maul Does the Classics," by Red Sith
- Sith do not do relationships.
- Subrule: Sith don't do exclusive.
- Sith don't sway.
"Transcript Begins," by Darth Wookiee
- Sith do not use the magic word. Try growling instead.
"Darth Maul Wants To Be A Millionaire," by The Plaid Adder & Joan the English Chick
"Maul's Nightly Stroll," by Darth Tan-je the Neverhoodian
- No breakfast equals bitchy Sith.
"No Accounting for Taste," by Maul Moll
- Sith do not like being tickled.
"Darth Maul vs. The Kickboxing Class," by Dante
- Sith do not wipe their sweat.
"Iron Chef Sith," by Tzigana
- Sith Don't Whine.
- Sith Get Revenge!
Sith Rules - post Handbook, but no specific Handbook mention
"Darth Maul Goes Skiing," By Sithon Filter
- Sith do not enjoy their training sessions.
- Sith use their training to heighten their perception of the Dark Force.
"Sith Academy: E-Maul," By Maya, Mad Mambolica
- Sith do not support the criminal activity of dealers.
"Maul vs. The Green-Eyed Monster," by Tzigana & Rebve
- Sith do not "have something"!
"Darth Maul - Clinical Study," By Maya, the Mad Mambolica & Darth Megativity
- A Sith does not need friends.
- Sith don't give in to their baser urges very often. It makes us weak.
- Sith do not sleep with Jedi.
"Darth Maul at Camp Midichlorian," by the Plaid Adder
- Sith do not shit in the woods. (Sith use the camp director's facilities.)
"Maulerella," by The Brat Queen
- Sith do not tolerate annoying Jedi.
- Sith do not run [away].
"Maul Lite," by Tzigana & Rebve
"Darth Maul and the Fourth Wall (Maul does Community Theater)," by jedimom
- Sith DO NOT give backrubs!
"Religious Experiences--Maul Attends a Family Wedding," by That Strange Becca Person
"Organic Maul," By Z.P. Florian
- Sith don't have relationships.
- Sith don't feel obliged.
- Sith don't do nice.
"Shiny, Happy People," by Rose and Katherine the Art Chick
"Darth Maul 'Gets the Spirit'," by Kittywench
- Sith do not inconvenience themselves.
"The Sith Academy Cheer," by jedimom
- Sith don't cuddle!
- Sith don't quit!
"The Sith Academy Cheer - Artwork," by Em
- Sith do not wave pom-poms.
"Darth Maul and the Curse of M----th," by jedimom
- Sith do not get stage fright.
"The One with the Sith Academy," by r'Hul
- Sith do not require Beta'ing.
- Sith do not do cute!
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy, Part XIII," by Siubhan
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy," Part XIV, by Siubhan
- Sith don't do relationships.
"Hell," by Jedimom:
- Sith do not wear "butt floss".
Pre-Handbook....
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy," by Siubhan
- A true Sith lets his hate flow through him at all times.
- A Sith knows when to wait and when to strike.
- A true Sith doesn't give a rat's ass about the speed limit.
"Sith Academy: Distance Learning," By the Intrepid Housemate MelissaTM
- A Sith Lord does not need to see his victims in order to destroy them.
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy, Part IV," by Siubhan
- Sith do not sort.
- Sith do not use fabric softener.
"Sith Academy: Darth Maul Mows the Lawn," by The Plaid Adder
- A true Sith does not screen his calls.
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy, Part V," by Siubhan
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy, Part VIII," by Siubhan
"Sith Academy: Some Assembly Required," by Alisa King
- Sith do not ask directions.
"Sith Academy: Darth Maul vs. the Dentist," by Tenshi No Korin
- Sith do not need appointments.
"Life Lessons at the Sith Academy, Part III," by Siubhan
- A good Sith is always hungry.
"Sith Academy: Darth Maul Earns His Master's Degree," by Lilith Sedai
- The first law of the Sith. Always keep hardcopy.
"Sith Academy: The Shopping Maul," by Joan the English Chick
- A Sith must keep up his strength.
- Only a fool refuses to accept a personal check from a Sith.
