Sith Academy--the foul apartment lesson
By Katherine the Art Chick
Disclaimer: Darth Sidious, Darth Maul, and Obi-Wan Kenobi belong to Lucasfilm. No copyright infringement intended. This story © (copyright) Katherine the Art Chick, 1999. And with a thank you to Laura for the story suggestion.
Darth Sidious entered the apartment through the open door. A wave of heat, a nasty mildewy smell, and the sound of weapons fire greeted his senses. *splish... splosh... splish... splosh* He walked towards the weapons fire sounds over sodden carpet, and upon turning a corner discovered his pupil, Darth Maul, wearing white boxer shorts, flip-flops, and an air freshener around his neck, seated in front of a television playing a video game. The apprentice looked up, sullenly, and said, "I hope you will forgive me, Master, if I do not kneel." Maul's nose wrinkled in distaste.
"Your apartment..." Darth Sidious started, only to be interrupted.
"It is substandard, as you commanded."
"The air conditioning exploded, pouring 50 gallons of water all over the carpet. That was a week ago. As you can see, not only has the landlord not repaired it, it's still wet. And beginning to mildew."
"Indeed," the Sith Master answered, wrinkling his own nose at the distasteful smell. "Walk with me."
"Thank you, Master," the apprentice answered, following his master out the door, only to see an eviction notice and envelope taped to his door. "I sense... Master, my landlord... he is charging me to replace the carpet his air conditioner ruined! and evicting me!" With an incoherent howl of rage, Darth Maul ignited his lightsaber and used it to stab the bill before throwing it on the ground and jumping up and down on it.
"Use your hate! Feel your anger!" Both Sith turned their heads at the explosion--Darth Maul's apartment complex bursting into flames. "Excellent, my young apprentice. Excellent!"
"Perhaps I should have removed my Sony Play Station first. I shall miss Jedi Roadkill--The Adventure Game."
"It was a worthy sacrifice, my apprentice." They both chortled at the sight of Obi-Wan Kenobi racing out of an apartment with his bathrobe on fire, cursing.
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