Sith Academy: Making it a Blockbuster Night
by Bridget the Khaki Ninja
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Darth Maul flipped through the channels quickly only to find out there was nothing on. As it was Thursday, all the programming sucked. The only thing on worth watching was Friends, and that wasn't saying much.

"It's not the same without the crazy guy," Maul said, taking another bite out of his microwaved pizza. He shifted in his seat, bored senseless, but unwilling to do anything else other than sit there in his boxers with the remote in hand.

Darth Sidious walked in to see Maul flipping the channels once more.

"My young apprentice, I take it there is nothing on?"

"My master, when can we get cable?" Maul inquired.

"It is too soon. We must wait until the man with the pirate box comes to the building. He will ask for 50 dollars, I have foreseen it."

Maul growled to himself and resumed changing the channel back to Friends.

"What the hell is wrong with Rachel and Ross! This is pointless drivel, I do not understand!" Maul spat.

"I agree, my apprentice. Rachel should forget about that thing with Chloe and get over it," Sidious said.

"And Joey ... he must die, and soon. The fool asks for death by simply breathing!"

"Yes, let the hate flow through you."

Maul let out a roar and hurled the coffee table at the television knocking it over off its stand.

Both Sith Lords froze and stared down at the box. It was still on, but there was nothing but static and fuzz. Maul reached over and lifted the box back onto the stand. He whacked the TV a number of times to no avail.

"The VCR still works, my apprentice. You will go to Blockbuster and rent some videos until the set can be repaired," Sidious said, taking Maul's spot on the couch.

"What shall I rent, my master?"

Sidious paused a moment. "Whatever you wish, but be sure to bring me back The Bridges of Madison County.

"Yes, my master."

***

About fifteen minutes later, Maul was driving to Blockbuster wearing his usual "Sith Lords Kick Ass" T shirt and his black jeans.

As expected, the store was filled. Perhaps he had not been to only one who had broken his television in a fit of rage.

A too skinny teenager greeted him from the counter wearing the name tag of "Dan."

"Welcome to Blockbuster," Dan said.

Maul only shot him a heart stopping glare and stalked over to drama, quickly finding his master's movie. He then made his way over to action and picked up Mortal Kombat 2. He had heard there was a stunt man in it who was quite good.

He then walked over to horror looking for Evil Dead 2... but there were none left. Maul let out a growl and swiped at the stand, knocking it completely over and onto the people in the next aisle.

"Master... I can't feel my legs!" Obi-Wan cried.

"My young padawan ... did you get what we came here for?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice soft.

Obi-Wan feebly lifted up a cassette of Rob Roy and another of Michael Collins.

"Thank you, my young apprentice." Qui-Gon looked around both ways to see if anyone was watching. Then he creeped away from Obi-Wan and to the counter, rented his video, and sped away.

"Master?" Obi-Wan said. "Where are you?"

Maul climbed over the aisle and stepped on Obi-Wan's head. It made him feel a little bit better to have done some more damage to the Jedi.

He slammed the videos down on the counter, getting a jolt out of Dan.

"Would you like to buy a reduced copy of Picture Perfect?" the frightened employee asked.

Maul only had to take a look at the picture of Jennifer Aniston on the cover of the video to revert back to the rage he felt while watching Friends. He activated his light saber and sliced the video, and consequently the counter in two.

Dan jumped back and tripped over the returned video stack, scattering copies of You've Got Mail all over the place.

"We also sell bags of pop corn for 99 cents with purchase," Dan continued.

Maul had enough of the boy. He mustered all of his rage and hurled the candy stack at him, sending both flying through the plate glass window.

He then noticed a returned copy of Evil Dead 2 laying on the ground. He picked it up, along with a few bags of pop corn and walked out.

***

"I have returned, my master," Maul said.

Sidious looked up from his copy of Entertainment Weekly. "Ah good. Did you complete your task?"

Maul held up the copy of the Bridges of Madison County.

"You have done well. And I am sure you will do just as well when the cable guy arrives tomorrow."

"He will arrive on time or die."

END

(6/6/99)