Disclaimer: Marvel Comics and 20th Century Fox own the X-Men. What's been done to them is copyright 2000 by Siubhan. This can only be archived with my express permission.

Prison Buddies: An Unlikely Tale
by Siubhan

Posted 8/23/00

I wanted to write Toad/Wolverine slash, because I think both the characters are damned hot, but I couldn't come up with a plausible way to get them together. So I went for implausible. And silly. Apologies in advance.

[The setting: A dank cell]

Toad: So, we're prison buddies.
Wolvie: Looks like it.
Toad: We should bust out.
Wolvie: Tried already.
Toad: Hopefully my guys will get me soon.
Wolvie: Same here.
Toad: So, you know what prison buddies traditionally do, yes?
Wolvie: Not bored enough yet.
Toad: Fair enough.

[An hour passes.]

Toad: Bored yet?
Wolvie: Nope.

[Another hour passes.]

Toad: How about now?
Wolvie: Not even close.

[Three hours later.]

Wolvie: For the thousandth time, I do NOT want to play "Toad in the hole!"
Toad: You don't play it, you eat it.
Toad: Don't think there is a guard, loverboy.
Wolvie: *snikt!* Don't make me use these.
Toad: *hock* Don't make me spit at you.
Wolvie: Look, you say on your side, I'll stay on mine.
Toad: You'll come around.
Wolvie: Not likely, bub.

[Four hours later.]

Wolvie: *yawn*
Toad: Does that mean you're bored?
Wolvie: Ah fuck. Yeah. Sure. I'm bored. Let's get this over with, okay?
Toad: So, top or bottom?
Wolvie: *snikt!* Whaddaya think?
Toad: Suits me fine. I'm self-lubricating.
Wolvie: I did NOT need to know that!
Toad: You were gonna find out soon enough.
Wolvie: *grumble*
Toad: So, tongue or no tongue?
Wolvie: No tongue.
Toad: You sure? I could rim ya while you do me.
Wolvie: I said NO TONGUE!
Toad: Mind if I use it on myself?
Wolvie: Knock yourself out. And bend over.
Toad: *fumble* Take me, big boy.
Wolvie: Having a little trouble getting it up, considering the view.
Toad: Picture Jean Grey naked.
Wolvie: Okay. Problem over.
Toad: *lick*
Wolvie: Whoa! Got an eyeful there.
Toad: Pictuh Thorm nahked.
Wolvie: Back in the game!
Toad: *groan*
Wolvie: *growl*
Toad: *lick*
Wolvie: *woof*
Toad: *ribbit!*
Wolvie: *howl!*
Toad: Whew! Thanks for the assist.
Wolvie: No problem, bub.
Toad: You think you'll get bored again any time soon?
Wolvie: Not a chance.
Toad: Fair enough.

THE (merciful) END

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