The Thirteenth Mary Sue - Non-Canon Ending
by The Plaid Adder
plaidder@mindspring.com
[Read The Plaid Adder's author bio]

"Great steaming balls of poodoo," Maul exclaimed.

The door slammed shut behind him.

The dark-haired woman in the black leather pants uncrossed her legs and rose fluidly to her feet. Maul froze like a dewdrop on Hoth.

"Hello," said Lythril. "I am not Mary Sue. You, however, will soon be VERY hot."

The flames leapt into her hands. Maul gibbered.

"I--but--you're going to kill me right now? Just like that? Before you've even made me strip and do your bidding, or anything?"

Lythril smiled, but somehow that didn't encourage him.

"You have a very high opinion of yourself, Maul," she said.

"I can't help it," he answered. "It's the Mary Sues." And, with a brilliant flash of insight, he added, "I came here because I know that only you are powerful enough to rid me of this terrible curse. Please. I will do anything."

Lythril looked at him.

"Anything?"

Maul gulped. He had an idea that Lythril's "anything" was far more inclusive than his "anything."

"Anything," he finally said, cursing himself.

Lythril looked at him some more.

"Well then," Lythril said. "Why kill the cow before you've milked it."

Maul was absolutely certain that he did not want to know what she meant by that. However, he had a bad feeling that he was about to find out.

"Stay here," she said, exiting the apartment.

There was a loud whooshing in the hallway, followed by the sound of rapidly crackling flame.

Lythril returned. The flames sank back into her hands. She brushed her hair back from a slightly perspiring forehead. Then she reached toward him, and his lightsaber flew into her hand. She pressed the ignition.

Even my lightsaber hates me, Maul thought, as he watched the blades whirl through the air.

"I could get used to one of these," Lythril said, tossing it into the air and grabbing it just before it cut her head off on the way down. "But still. There's nothing like killing with your bare hands." She shut it down and tossed it into the next room. "Have you ever killed with your bare hands, Maul?"

Maul shook his head.

"So then," she said, taking one menacing stride toward him. "Strip."

Maul thought briefly and guiltily of Obi-Wan. Then he looked at Lythril. Then he began stripping.

END

(Want to try again? If you want Mary Sue to be a CANON character, click here. If you want Mary Sue to be a SUPER-META character, click here.)

(3/2/00)

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